There. I said it. Out loud.
Isn't life funny that way? I spend my days helping children with hearing loss and their families, and now my own child has been diagnosed. You may be thinking (especially my AuD/SLP friends) "how did she miss this for 18 months?!". I have been beating myself up for 3 days asking that same question, but I'm working on letting that go! Riggs passed his Newborn Hearing Screening, and had a normal hearing test at 4 months of age. We really had no concerns about his hearing beyond that. A few months ago I did have this weird feeling that MAYBE something wasn't quite right... I had it checked out and in true 14 month old fashion... he wasn't really feeling being tested that day. I was able to get enough information from that test that told me that he was responding to speech at normal levels... WHEW... a relief! I could then go back to being worried about something else. Riggs had really begun to expand his vocabulary, but like a lot of kids his age, some of what he said was not crystal clear. I had not thought a thing more about his hearing until Wednesday night. Our smoke alarm went off (SO grateful for that... for many reasons) and I immediately covered my ears and ran to try to turn it off... in comes our little Bean just smiling away and laughing at Mommy waving a towel back and forth at the wall. My heart sank... right then.... I knew it... I didn't need an ABR, OAEs, or audiogram (all ways to test hearing) to tell me... I'm his Mommy, and right then I saw his hearing loss staring me in the face. I didn't panic, but the next day I was so grateful to have a late afternoon cancellation and a wonderful boss to let me go a little early and I took him to see my WONDERFUL old co-worker/cherished friend in Montgomery to check him out. As the little bars on the OAE machine did not go up to show a response my heart sank a little more, but I kept it together. We get in the sound booth and he turns, at what I can tell are normal hearing levels, to speech. This is good... but I know there is still more to check. The next few sounds he turns to very soft levels... good again. Then we get to the mid and high frequency sounds... present sounds... no turn... present louder sounds... no turn... present a pretty loud sound... finally a turn. He heard it.... but my heart broke at the same moment. My fear since the night before had become reality... my little guy has hearing loss and I didn't know it! Poor Poor Beth... she sat with me as I sobbed on the floor of my old office while sweet Riggs was having a ball running up and down the ramp. I think that is the beauty in all of this. He is still the same precious, sweet, vivacious little man that he was before we knew there were certain sounds he was not able to hear.
After I collected myself (as best I could) I switched from devastated Mommy back to Audiologist. I called my supervisor and told her I was fairly certain I was going to need a mental health day on Friday. My next phone call was to one of my co-workers in Birmingham who so graciously gave up her day off to come and meet me, Jared and Riggsy at the office and try to confirm the results/get more information. I cannot thank Beth, Erin and Leanne enough for being so kind, and seeing my child when it may not have been convenient for them.
Unfortunately, after a plan was in place, I slipped back to devastated Mommy fairly quickly. I attended a workshop recently that showed videos of parents talking about finding out that their children had hearing loss. I couldn't personally relate, but I thought I had a good grasp on how they felt. I was WRONG. I am now that terrified, sad, nervous, confused Mommy on the other side of the table. I now 100% relate to that feeling that finding out that your baby (my toddler) has something wrong with him makes you feel like a huge piece of you has just died. I realize that "it could be worse" and I am SO thankful that it isn't; however, in that moment... it doesn't change how you feel. I'm sure over the next few weeks and months I will go through some grief... I'm pretty sure I will skip the denial part though... I know way too much about this to deny it! Then we get to Super Dad. Jared is the toughest guy I know, and is simply ready to do what we need to do for Riggs and "move on forward". If only I had 1/10000000 of his ability to not let emotions get the best of him! He will be the rock throughout the beginnings of this journey, and I'm so thankful God put such two vastly different people together to do life together and to bring Riggs into this world.
Riggs was a ROCKSTAR for testing!!! I'm not going to lie... 18 months-2 1/2 years is the HARDEST age to test! He sat like a champ! Erin was able to get all of the testing she needed, and confirm that Riggs has a mild to moderately severe high frequency sensorineural hearing loss. This means that there are a number of sounds that Riggs can hear just like everyone else, but there are also a number of sounds that he can't hear unless they are much louder. This is the perfect time to catch this (although I wish it would have been sooner) because he is right in the middle of the most important time for building his language skills. With the help of hearing aids and Auditory Verbal (AV) Therapy, he should be able to talk/hear much like that of his normal hearing buddies. Hearing aids are a tool to help us hear, just like glasses are a tool to help us see! I NEVER want Riggs, or any of my patients for that matter, to feel different because he wears hearing aids. In fact, it will make him special. When he gets older he will be able to stream things from his ipad straight to his hearing aids, he can have phone calls come right on in his hearing aids... how cool is that!? I'm sure he will have to answer questions about them from time to time, but I pray that he will learn to love his "insert cool name for hearing aids here" (magic ears, robot ears, ears, etc...) and appreciate what technology can do! He has such a fun, outgoing personality and I think that God has amazing things in store for him.
So what's next?! We will have lots of decisions to make soon. We will have to decide who is going to take care of our buddy... who will his Audiologist/AVT be? We need to find out what has caused his hearing loss?! We will go to see a geneticist soon, and hopefully in 6-9 months we will have our answer. In the mean time, Riggs will have one more follow-up hearing and test and then soon be fit with hearing aids. We will have a speech language evaluation. Hopefully we caught this early enough that we will find out that Riggs is not very far/if at all behind. We will likely enroll him in AV therapy to help him get used to listening with his new ears! In a word, AV therapy is speech therapy specifically geared towards children with hearing loss. I have learned so much about it since beginning my new job, and look forward to learning even more as we go through this process with our own little guy. I am very fortunate to spend my days with some of the best AVT's out there, so I know I will be constantly picking their brains.... sorry ladies! =) Riggs loves to read, play, and learn, so I think he will love it!
I will still be posting 8 million pics of our little Bean... he will just have some extra awesomeness of either side of his head! =) I wanted to write this blog post in order to get the 1,000lb weight off of my chest, and also to bring awareness about hearing loss and hearing aids. It shouldn't be a taboo topic, and it shouldn't bring funny looks when people see babies, kids, or even adults with hearing aids. They are "glasses for the ears", and those who wear them are so much better for it!
If you have made it to the end of this post... Congratulations... it's probably been a long read! =)
I will try to update more often... I know I said that last time... but I'm serious! I feel like I have now been given the push/opportunity to speak more about what I do for a living, and about how much more amazing our little man's life will be thanks to the awesome people that surround our family.
We covet your prayers as we adjust to this new part of our lives. We have such an amazing support system and so many people that care about and love us. We are so grateful to have so many people wrap us in prayer. I can't wait until Riggs gets older and I can tell him just how many people love him.
Here is our precious getting his first set of earmolds made for him to get his hearing aids in a few weeks!
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
Until Next Time...
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